Lost
by pathlight
Summary: They were suppose to go camping, but Bakura drove their car off a cliff with Malik still stuffed inside the trunk and now they are lost in the woods with no way out.
1. Are we there yet?

" Hey Bakura"

" What?"

" Are we there yet?"

" No."

" Are we there yet?"

" No"

" Are we there yet?"

" No."

" Are we there yet?"

" No"

" Are we there yet?"

" No."

" Are we there yet?"

" No"

" Are we there yet?"

" No."

" Are we there yet?"

" No"

" Are we there yet?"

" No."

" Are we there yet?"

" No"

" Are we there yet?"

" No."

" Are we there yet?"

" No"

" Are we there yet?"

" No."

" Are we there yet?"

" No"

" Are we there yet?"

" No."

" Are we there yet?"

" No"

" Are we there yet?"

" No."

" Are we there yet?"

" No"

" Are we there yet?"

" No."

" Are we there yet?"

" No"

" Are we there yet?"

" No."

" Are we there yet?"

" No"

" Are we there yet?"

" No!"

" Are we there yet?!"

" NO!!"

" ARE WE THERE YET?"

" NOOO!"

" ARE WE THERE YEEET?

" No!"

" Are we the-"

" Ask me one more time and I swear I'll cut you up into bloody pieces and eat you for lunch!"

"…Ok…"

There was a long pause with only the sound of crickets chirping heard.

" So…seriously are we there yet?"


	2. Lost

Shooting down the road at a hundred and five miles an hour, the infamous tomb robber behind the wheel swerved to car from side to side ramming into other cars while screeching out a high pitched sound that qualified as a song. Not even the cops bothered to go after him, knowing it was suicide after what happened to Bob. Marik sat in the corner of the back seat calmly turning a five hundred-page book titled: Gory Pictures From World War Two. Cowered in the other corner was a very frightened Ryou who was desperately praying for his life to be spared. He stuck on a camping trip with two homicidal maniacs, who wouldn't. Well, three. Plus the one stuffed in the trunk. 

" Are you sure this is the right road to Yellow Stone Park?" asked Marik looking up from his book.

An old lady's frantic shrieks could be hear from miles away as Bakura rammed into her car causing it to spin out of control and fly off the road. The car behind her screeched to a halt causing the car behind that car to crash into it followed by another and another. Soon a whole chain of broken cars lined the road all with angry drivers shaking their fists at a certain white hair boy who threw his head back in a maniacal laugh. 

" Baka! Of course I'm sure! I've navigated through dozens of pyramids in Egypt and never got lost once! Why would you think, not that you do, that I would get lost on one of these pathetic little roads?!" 

"Why? I'll tell you why. We're suppose to be in Yellow Stone Park right now, but were twenty miles from St. Louis!"

Marik waved his arm at a large green sign with big bold letters that said: St. Louis Next Exit 20 Miles. Bakura ignored him and held up a ripped up map between his middle and index fingers.

" Well according to the map I'm on the right road."

" Moron! You were reading it up side down!"

There was a long pause.

" Ah dammit."

Cursing, Bakura swerved to car around, nearly hitting a blond, brunet, and a black hair girl returning from the fright fest at Six Flags St. Louis. 

" Hey watch where you're going ya freak of nature!" one of them screamed, shaking an angry fist at the tomb robber. 

" What did you call me you foolish-"

" Uh…Bakura?" Ryou interrupted. He had been staring out the window at strands of loose rope flapping in the wind the whole time.

" What the hell do you want?"

" Did you remember to tie all of the luggage down?"

There was another long pause

" I thought Marik was."

"I thought Ryou was suppose to."

" And I thought Bakura was."

The three of them stared at each other and then at the loose ropes. They poked their head out the window and stared at the empty car roof, which was suppose to be piled high with suitcases filled with grenades and counter fit money. The only thing left was a boxer strapped to the car antennae flapping in the wind like a flag.

" DUCK!" Ryou cried pulling his head back in and pointing ahead.

" Duck?"

" Watch out for the squirrel!"

At that exact moment, a squirrel chose to plop down in the middle of the road in front of the on coming car and eat an acorn it found lying somewhere in a dumpster.

" AHHHHH" 

Bakura swerved to car around the fluffy tailed rat. The car spun into the trees on the side of the road and flew spinning down the hill. 

" AHHHHHHHHHHH" they paused for a breath. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Marik who had refused to buckle his seat belt was launched off his seat and thrown against the window, nearly crashing through.

High up on the tree branches two squirrels with glowing red eyes high fived each other for a job well done.

********************

" Nice going Bakura" whispered Marik.

" Shut up. Why are you blamin' me for? It's Ryou's fault. Him and his figgin' squirrel."

" I wouldn't be talking if I were you. I'm not the one that failed my driving test four times and had to blackmail the instructor to let me pass." Retorted Ryou who was also whispering. " If you watched where you were going, we wouldn't be in this mess!"

The car the trio were in teetered at the edge of a cliff. They sat there not daring to move a muscel.

" Shut up! Since when was it Ok for you to talk to me this way?!"

" Since I fired the network producers. Those lousy bastards. They can't tell me what to do. Those morons…"

" So…what do we do now" Bakura asked to no one in particular, letting Ryou ramble on, cussing out the network producers.

" Beats me." answered Marik. " As long as it's under five seconds."

" Why is that?"

Marik held up an active grenade.

" Ah shi…taki mushrooms" Bakura muttered for the sake of keeping this story PG. " Ok. No one panic. On the count of three , we all jump out. Got it?"

Ryou and Marik nodded.

" One… two… three!" 

By the time Bakura got to three, the car was empty.

" 'DOH!" What else was there to say?

Bakura leaped out of the car just as it slid forward and down the edge of the cliff. 

*********************

In the mean time, stuffed inside the trunk of the car, Malik just woke up from a nice little nap. They others had shoved him in there since Bakura and Marik wanted to bring along a few dozen flame throwers for warding off squirrels and cops. Why they didn't put the flame-throwers in the trunk instead, who knows. ANYWAYS, he woke up only to have fire engulf him and burn him to a crisp.

*********************

BAAMM!! The explosion sent Ryou, Bakura and Marik sprawling on the ground. The flame-throwers adding an extra explosion of its own, torching the wolves and cougars living at the bottom of the cliff. 

" NOOOOOOO" wailed Bakura in a raspy voice and pounding his fist on the ground for the lost of the precious flame-throwers. " MY PREEECCCIIIOOOUUUSSS IS LOST!"

" You done yet Gollum?" asked Ryou crossing his arm across his chest watching the almighty tomb robber cry like a little baby. 

" CRAP!" Marik suddenly cried out. 

" What?"

" I think we left my yami in the trunk!" 

Once again, there was a long pause.

" Meh, good riddance."

The two white hair boys stared at the friend.

" So…" Ryou spoke up, breaking the silence. " What do we do now?"

" Who said anything about ' we' ?" Bakura's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

" Ok… what are _you_ gonna do then?"

" We look for the squirrels that caused this! Hunt them down! We do not know pain, we do not know fear! We will taste squirrel flesh!"

" Psst, Ryou!" Marik hissed in the boy's ear. " Exactly how much Lord of the Rings are you letting him watch?"

" I'm not sure exactly, but he does have the DVD, VHS, all of the figurines, every single trading card, created a new Lord of the Ring desktop for the computer and he ordered a Ring Of Power from Ebay."

Ryou sweat dropped nervously as he watched his friend's reaction. Marik sighed and followed the tomb robber further into the woods in search of the 'evil squirrels'. How was he ever going to get out of this one?


	3. Dumb, dumber, dumb ass and blonds

Ryou, Bakura, and Marik wandered aimlessly through the woods, more lost than they were before thanks to Bakura's map skills. He lead them deeper and deeper into the woods, took a sharp turn, smacked right into a tree, tumbled down a hill and wound up in a place that seemed very familiar….

" This place looks familiar." Commented Bakura, peering over the map.

" That's 'cause we started out from here! Are you sure you're not reading the map upside down…or sideways or any other way morons usually prefer?" Marik groaned and plopped down on the grass.

" Of course not! What made you think that I'm so stupid I can't even read a map?"

" Maybe because you are…"

" Uh…Bakura" Ryou said pointing to his yami's arm. " Incase you haven't noticed, but there's a snake biting your arm."

Bakura lifted his arm up to reveal a snake latched tightly on, hissing angrily. He simply stared at it fascinated, then shrugged.

" Meh. They usually give up in an hour or so." He shook his head in pity at the snake. " Snake…nature's biggest quitters…"

Sure enough, the snake dropped to the ground and slipped away, turning around to give Bakura one last his before it disappeared into the bushes. 

" See, told ya."

Marik buried his face in his hands and shook his head sighing loudly.

" Sometimes, I wander if you're a blond." He muttered.

" What?" Bakura snapped his head around

" He said he sometimes wander if you're a blond!" Ryou practically shouted in Bakura's ears. 

A cold wind suddenly blew past them as the white hair thief absorbed the information, his mouth slightly hanging open, a little drool hanging at the corner of his mouth and eyes staring off into space.

" Oh…" He finally managed to say when it was already dark out. Ryou and Marik had already built a campfire and the food they were already cooking was almost done. They sat around the fire, carefully studying the map.

" Well, I don't really remember. It was over five thousand years ago. I could have been…"

His companions suddenly looked up and stared at him as if he had just gone crazy.

" Uh…Bakura. What are you talking about?" Asked Marik his mouth full of burnt food. There was a long pause again from the old thief as he thought of an answer.

" I was answering the question."

" What question?"

" The blond question…I think"

Marik and Ryou gaped at him. Somewhere, a cricket chirped loudly. 

" That was five hours ago and you just thought up something to say?!"

Another pause, but not as long. The same cricket still chirped.

" Yep. Pretty much."

Ryou and Marik both gave a long sigh, both shaking their heads, exasperated at their supposedly blond friend. 

" Ryou," Marik said filling his voice with as much pity he could. " I pity you from the bottom of my heart…if I had one."

Unaware of everything that was going on, Bakura sat down beside the fire and rubbed his hands gleefully together.

" So…what's for dinner?"

********************

After the trio had eaten, they set off again into the woods. Ryou and Marik kept a good distance away from Bakura and squirted him with water guns each time he managed to stray ten feet of them. They had finally let Bakura go near them after a tiny spider landed on his shoulder, freaking him out. They had to take pity on the infamous tomb robber who wasn't afraid of being bitten by poisonous snakes coward in front of a tiny little spider. Who wouldn't?

" Marik are you sure this is the right road?" asked Ryou following his friend who was now the holder of the map. He yanked the chain that was wrapped around his yami's neck making him move again. 

" Of course. I may be a blond, but my IQ is WAY higher that that guy's." Marik answered jerking his thumb at Bakura who was trying desperately to tear off the chain around his neck and gasping for air.

" OK. Because I was afraid we might suddenly fall off a AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The trio screamed, with the exception of Bakura who was to busy gasping for enough air for a scream, as the ground vanished beneath their feet and plunged into the dark chasm below.

Instead of hitting the ground and being squashed into flat pancakes, they suddenly splashed into a pool of icy water. Bakura, however, plopped into an oversized flower. The petals closed in on him as soon as he fell in, eating him alive.

Gasping for breath, Ryou broke through the surface of the water and followed Marik back to shore. Pulling himself out, he suddenly remembered about his yami. 

" Where's Bakura?"

As if on cue, Bakura's head suddenly popped out of the flower on the opposite shore, his mouth opened wide as he munched through the petals like Homer Simpson with a doughnut. The others stared, bug eyed, as he polished off the rest of the flower in no time. When he was done, he moved on to the other vegetation along the shore and started eating them as well. When he was done, the whole other side was a barren wasteland.

With a stomach about the size of Texas, Bakura started to dog paddle across the water, but sank to the bottom like stone.

" For some strange reason," Marik said rubbing his chin. If he had a beard, he would have stroked it. " But he reminds me of the dumb dog, uh, what's his name…uh…no wait…um…what's his name again? Ah forget it! I can't remember his name."

Bakura suddenly resurfaced, thrashing in the water.

" HELP!! I can't swim! I can't swimafhoingdukg-" With a loud gurgling sound, he sank back into the water.

" Dammit Bakura! How dumb can you be?" Ryou screamed. " Just stand up!"

Bakura's head popped through the water once more, stood up, the water hardly reaching his chin, and waded over to his companions.

" For a evil genius," Marik commented as the thief climbed ashore. " You're a complete dumb ass."

Ryou nodded solemnly.

" I think it has to do with the fact that he's half breed."

" What do you mean?"

" Well, his mother was Egyptian and his father…a brick."

**********************

The three of them, again, stumbled through the woods in search of a way out. This time, none of them had the accursed map. It fell into the flower with Bakura and he accidentally ate it. Suddenly, a dark shadow loomed ahead of them. They looked up to see a large house covered with cobwebs in front of a large full moon. The windows were all boarded up, and far away, and there was a sound in the distance that sounded very much like that of howling wolf. A loud blood-curdling scream suddenly drifted out of the house.

" Maybe we can stay there tonight." Said Marik pointing up at the house that was VERY likely haunted. 

" What if its haunted with an ax murderer?"

" You still believe in that crap?"

" Well it sure looks like it's haunted."

" It'll be harmless! C'mon!"

Ryou watched as his friend skipped up the hill towards the house and sighed.

" Now looks who's the dumb blond…" he said when he was out of earshot.

" I thought he was already blond." added Bakura. Ryou groaned and waved his hand dismissively at him as he passed him going up the hill.

" Forget you!"

" Huh?" Questioned Bakura, puzzled. " How can you forget me when I'm standing right here?"

" GAH!" Ryou threw his arms up in frustration. " Forget it! Just...Forget It! I swear your just 'bout the dumbest dumb ass there is!" 

With that, he disappeared into the house, still muttering about how dumb a person can be. 

Bakura was now left alone at the bottom of the hill still pondering what Ryou meant. He stood there, not noticing as a dark figure with a pointy hat and riding on a broom flew by him, jabbing a knife into his back. He also didn't notice when an ax was suddenly thrown in his direction, landing barely inches away from his head and cutting off a lock of his hair. He just stood there, like and idiot, mouth hanging open and staring off into space. It was only then when a large tarantula fell from the trees beside him, did he scream like a little girl and scamper up the hill and into the house. 


	4. Spiders and ghosts

Thanx to everyone for reviewing! Sorry I haven't updated for a while…I have this **major **case of writers block and believe me bashing your head against the wall does not get rid of it…I learned that the hard way…….

Disclaimer: I don't own YGO -__-;; or the singing paranoid ghost…my cousin owns it…it was her idea

********************************************************

"HEEEEEEELP! SOMEBODY SAVE ME!" screamed Bakura in an abnormally squeaky/shrill/really really high-pitched voice that was enough to shatter windows within a ten mile radius. He was stuck in a giant web with a spider three times his size slowly advancing towards him with saliva dripping out of its mouth. 

"HEEEEEELLLLP" he screamed again and was answered by a long silence. "Hello? Where the hell are you people?! Tomb robber in distress here! HELP I SAY!" 

Bakura waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and guess what? Yup, he waited. 

"YOU PEOPLE SUCK!" he screamed when no one answered his desperate yet humble cry for help. "GET YOUR LAZY ASS FROM THE TV AND COME AND SAVE ME!"

******************************

Down stairs, Ryou and Marik sat on a dusty couch in front of a small black and white TV covered with cobwebs watching Jerry Springer and stuffing their faces with expired diarrhea induced chips. 

"You here something?" Marik asked looking towards the rotten stairs of the haunted house. 

"It's probably just the wind."

"Yeah…"

******************************

Just as the spider was about to devour him, Bakura tore himself from the web and slapped the spider a few times. 

" HAHAHA! SUCKER! YOU MISSED ME!" he cried happily running down the hall. The spider stood on two legs and shook its hairy fist like legs at him and cursed loudly.

"You stupid raspy voice albino freak! You won't get away with this! I have power beyond your imagination! **Political powers**!"

Bakura came to a dead stop and turned around to face the spider.

"Stick and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt m-"

Suddenly, a giant dictionary went whirling through the air and smacked into him. **SPLAT!** Bakura was squished flat against the wall.

"Ow…words…hurt…" he managed to squeak out. Bakura peeled away from the wall and floated down to the ground, still flat as a pancake. Unfortunately for us little people on earth, there is a little thing called gravity. It pulled the giant dictionary down making it smack into Bakura's face and drove his whole body face first through the wooden floorboards. 

Down and down he went falling in to an endless pit when he suddenly crash landed in front if Ryou and Marik, the book still squashing his face flat. Ryou rushed to him and lifted the giant dictionary from his face revealing a dent on the thick covers in the shape of Bakura's face. 

"Bakura, what happened?" 

"Remember me…as a peace maker…" he gasped clutching his heart with a desperate look in his eyes. "And about…the gold…"

Ryou and Marik leaned closer to hear what he had to say. Bakura suddenly leaped up and smacked the two of them across the face.

"HA! That's what you get for not helping me back there!"

"You know what," muttered Ryou rubbing his cheek. "I think I liked him better dead."

"You know what?" said Bakura

"What?"

"I think I like _you _better dead." 

With a shrill war cry, Ryou whipped out a large butcher knife from out of no where. Marik seeing Ryou followed suit. Soon they were stalking around each other in circles all with insane smiles and knives raised above their heads ready to kill the person in front of them.

A horrible sound wafted into the room. A sound no human (or spirit) should ever have to hear…

"NOOOOOOOOOBODY KNOOOOOOOOOOOOWS THE TRRRRRRRROUBLE I'VE SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN NOOOOOOOOOOOBODY…."

The every single window in the house shattered including everything else made out of glass. Ryou, Bakura and Marik fell to the ground clutching their ears.

"OH THE HORROR! THE HORROR!!"

"SOMEBODY GOUGE MY EYES!" 

"NOOOOOOOOO! WHY ME?! WHY?!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

The song stopped and they climbed back on their feet, brushed the dust off their clothes and pretended nothing had ever happened. But Marik remained sitting cross-legged on the ground with his arms folded. 

"You know," he said nodding solemnly. "Nobody screams right these days."

Ryou and Bakura stared at him as if he grew fangs and a pair of bat wings.

"ANYWAY, what the hell was that?"

"Whatever it was, I don't ever want to hear it again."

Just then, another voice drifted into their ears, this time quieter…well…sort of.

" LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE IS A **PAAAAAAAAAATATOE**!!! SOOOOOOOOOO EEEEEEEAT IT WHILE IT'S **RAAAAAAAAAAAAW**!!!" 

"Who the hell is singing that?!" Bakura yelled stuffing ear plugs in his ears.

"That's suppose to be a song?"

"…………."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAT DO YOU DOOOOOOO WHEEEEEEEEN LIIIIIIIFE GIVVVVVES YOU A **LEEEEEEMON**? YOU THROOOOOOOOOW A **WAAATERMEEEEEELON** BAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!"

"GAH!! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" Bakura screamed at the top of his lungs.

The 'singing' quieted down until it was just a barely audible whisper. Even then Bakura wasn't satisfied. 

"I said **SHUT UP**!"

The singing stopped immediately. 

"There…isn't that much better." Said Bakura with a sigh of relief.

"OR SQUEEZE THE LEMON JUICE IN SOMEONE ELSE'S EYES." The voice quickly whispered.

Bakura shrieked and charged out of the room with an ax held high in search of the owner if the voice. 

" I'm commin' to get you!" he screamed before crashing through some loose floorboards. Ryou and Marik winced.

"Ow……….."

******************************

Bakura sat at the bottom of the hole rubbing his head, cussing out the singing voice. Little was he aware of another presence in front of him.

"Stupid singing ghost…" he muttered.

"Who told you I was a ghost?" a suspicious voice suddenly said from in front of him.

Bakura looked up to see a transparent person with their eyes narrowed in suspicion. He stared in horror/shock at it.

"LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS! OH MY!" the ghost suddenly started to sing. "LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS! OH MY! LIONS AND TIGERS AND…AHHH!!! LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS!!! AHHH!! WHERE WHERE?! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! AHHH!"

The ghost started to run around in frantic circles and latched onto Bakura, who hasn't gotten out of his shock from earlier, crying its eyes out.

"Lions and tigers and bears…please don't let them get me…I'm to young to die!"

Bakura just stared straight ahead, jaws almost touching the ground and eyes threatening to pop out of his head. He couldn't believe it. There was a ghost in front of him….wait…a ghost?

"GHOST!!!" Bakura screamed jumping ten feet in the air, crashing through the roof and knocking over Ryou and Marik. Marik got up and shoved Bakura.

"What the hell is wrong with you man! You don't just go shooting through the floor and knocking people over!"

Bakura pointed a shaky finger at the pitch black hole in front of him.

"T-t-there g-g-ghost."

"Baka! There's no such things as gho-"

Marik jaws hit the ground as he stared at the ghost behind the tomb robber. It stared back. He stared. It stared. He stared. It stared. 

"Why are you staring at me? Stop staring at me! Who are you people? Stop staring at me! Stop staring, AHHHHH!" The ghost screamed throwing its arms in the air and scrambled away.

"That…was weird." Ryou commented when the ghost disappeared out of sight.

"I know. It's even more paranoid than Bakura."

"Shut up. Let's get the hell outta here. This place is freaking me out."

"Yeah…sure…whatever."

The three of them turned around to leave but end up walking straight into a brick wall. 

"Bad…exit…" said Ryou rubbing his nose.

"Get it right this time!"

Okay, the three of them turned around and left the haunted house.

*******************************

Somewhere in the land where ghosts live, where ever that may be, the ghost floated down to a large leather couch and stared at the ass print in it.

"Wait a minute, that ain't my ass print. WHO'S ASS PRINT IS THIS! I don't remember seeing this… Oh no…someone may have broken in here…whatdoIdowhatdoIdo? They may have a gun and shoot me. Then I'll be dead…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"


	5. In you heart

A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away was a land known as Oz, where the civilization of the Umpa Lumpas thrived (Ryou: don't you mean munchkins? S-T: Same difference. They're both ugly short people with freaky hair. I mean green hair? What would they think of next? Pointy tri colored- Yugi: Hey! S-T: Oh. Heheh. Sorry) but just two miles from it was the local 7-11 for all of your convenient shopping needs. ^_____________^

Malik stood at the front desk of the 7-11, busy ordering the clerk around for useless items. He read the items off from a long list. Most of them, with the exception of a few, he had no idea why he bothered to put on the list in the first place…no wait never mind. He remembered. Ah…sweet revenge.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Wait. Did I just do that out loud? Meh." He shrugged, ignoring the strange look he was getting from the cashier; Malik continued to read from the list. "Okay. 4 cigarette lighters, a couple bags of skittles, some bubble yum, a copy of Newsweek, acoupleofC-4s, 5 sticks of beef jerky, those diarrhea induced chips TM," the cashier pulled out two bags of Ruffles along with all the other items with the exception of the C-4s. Malik continued on.

"A few cases of Miller Light, that Barney DVD" the cashier gave him another strange look. "What? My _brother_ just happens to like it okay!"

"Suuurrre he does."

"…Shut up. ANYWAYS. Some Pringles, a bag of plastic explosives, a ton of pixie sticks, those gundam toys I saw in the back, adozencratesofillegalfireworks, two pack of Yu-Gi-Oh cards and five packs of Magic The Gathering."

"I'm sorry sir." The clerk said eyeing a new customer that walked in the door. "But use of illegal fire works is strictly prohi- follow me." He added as the customer disappeared between the aisles. 

The clerk led Malik through a set of titanium doors with a fourteen-digit password and into a room stacked sky high-or ceiling high in this case- with all sorts of illegal fire works. 

"Wow." Said Malik, starry eyed and dreamy voiced. "It's like I died and went to heaven. Wait a minute. Did I die and go to heaven?" 

Malik punched himself in the arm just to make sure.

"Nope. Still in hell." He concluded as he felt pain shoot up his arm.

"Uh…" the clerk sweat dropped. 

"I'll take all of these!" declared Malik taking armfuls of fireworks and shoving them into a large brown sack not much different than the ones they use to kidnap people with. By the time he was done, he had two bulging bags of fire works filled and the cashier led him back up to the counter.

"That would be $145,000,000 sir! Will you be paying in cash or credit card?"

Malik took out his wallet and handed the cashier an American Express card. The cashier took it with barely a glance and returned it to Malik.

"I'm sorry sir. But this was expired in um…well. It says here it was expired back in 3000 B.C. Do you have any other _valid_ credit cards?"

Malik took the credit card back with a nervous laugh. 

"Heheh. Um…of course! Here. Why don't you try…one of these?!" Malik yanked out a handful of cards and flung them in the cashier's face and ran towards the door.

"HEHEHEHEHE! Sucker!"

"Um sir?"

Malik stopped dead in front of the door and turned towards the cashier with an angry look on his face.

"What? Can't you see I'm celebrating my moment of glory here?"

The cashier nodded towards the sacks of illegal fireworks on the counter.

"Sir. The fireworks."

"Oh right." Malik eyed around the room suspiciously. "How'd that get there?"

He walked warily towards the counter, picked up the sacks, and burst out the door leaving a trail of fallen fireworks laughing like a maniac. Well, since he already is a maniac. It was just a normal laugh for him.

__

What a moron. The clerk thought turning his attention back to _normal_ customers.

*********************************************

Outside, Malik started loading the sacks of fireworks onto his motorcycle. Unfortunately for him, he didn't notice the gas leak and started the ignition (A/N: So sue me. I don't know a lot about motorcycles). Suddenly the ground beneath him burst into flames, setting off the fireworks. The fireworks exploded, sending Malik rocketing down the road with bursts of colorful lights trailing behind him.

"I WANT MY MOMMY!!" he screamed, his voice trailing off in the distance.

"YEAH!" screamed a random guy running out of the 7-11. "AND I WANT TO DEEP FRY MY BOSSES ANNOYING GRAVITY DEFYING TRENCH COAT AND SHOVE IT DOWN HIS THROAT BUT YOU DON'T HERE ME……complaining" Suddenly a dark figure stepped up from behind him, growling angrily. "……Heh heh……uh…hiya boss. Um…what's up?" 

**********************************************

About 430974018465012 light years away, back on the planet Earth, Marik thought he saw someone very familiar crash landing through the trees.

"Hey. I think I just saw Malik over there" He said pointing to an empty spot between the trees.

"We know you must miss him very much. You just saw him in your heart…if you have one." Said Bakura nonchalantly.

"No seriously. I actually saw him"

"I know. In your heart."

"He was _right there_!!!"

"In your heart."

"Will you shut the f-"

"Watch it." Warned Ryou. "This fic is only rated PG."

"Okay…" Marik cleared his throat and turned back to Bakura, picking up where he left. "-hell-" 

"Rated PG!" 

"Oh sure. Bakura gets to say hell and I don't? Fine!" Marik shouted throwing his arms up in frustration. "Will you shut the _heck _up –there, happy-"

"No. Not exactly."

"-and listen to me?! I saw Malik and he was right there!"

"Like I said: In your heart." Bakura concluded staring off into space.

"GAH!! I give up! You're hopeless!"

"Hey!" Bakura pointed behind Marik. "I just saw Malik!"

Ryou and Marik sweat dropped and did an anime fall, their face smashing into the ground creating two permanent dents in the soil.

"Marik, why didn't you tell me your yami was here?" 

Ryou and Marik bit dust again, just as they climbed back on their feet.

Suddenly, out of no where, Malik jumped out of the bushes pointing a large ray gun made from the gundam toys, C-4 and fireworks he bought earlier on at Ryou, Bakura and Marik. 

"Revenge is sweet! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *cough cough* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" 

"You actually tasted revenge before?" asked Marik peeling his face from the ground.

"Well…no. Not exactly." He shook his head, changing the subject back and pointed the gun at Bakura. "This is for leaving me in car when you drove it off the cliff you baka tomb robber!"

"You're going to shoot me, but not him?" whined Bakura pointing at his hikari. "That's not fair!"

Malik lowered the ray gun and thought for a moment.

"Well. He's too much of a goody two shoe to think of something as evil as that. I was in the hospital for five months after that you know!"

"But that was only three days ago."

There was a long pause.

"Cosmic."

Malik hoisted the ray gun to his shoulders, pointed it at Bakura and fired. 

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! DIE YOU STUPID TOMB ROBBER!"

Bakura was engulfed in a bright, burning flash of light. The others shielded their eyes with these wicked cool shades they got from out of nowhere. They all gasped when the light disappeared. Malik took out an inhaler.

"Wat?" Bakura said, his voice squeaky and un-raspy…er. "Wat awe wou stawing at?"

************************************************************************

Sakura-Tsukasa: Yay! A cliffie! Well…sorta…I guess

*a lawyer enters holding a brief case and with an angry look on his face*

S-T: Who the hell are you?

Lawyer: YGO lawyer. I'm here representing the law suite that has been filed against you for use of copy written materials.

S-T: NOOO! But I did the disclaimer *looks above* D'oh! .. Heheh. Oops? My bad. No wait! I'll do the disclaimer right now!

Disclaimer: Sakura-Tsukasa does **NOT** own YGO or any of the characters there happy?

Lawyer: *still looks angry* *hands S-T law suite* 

S-T: Then why aren't you suing him? *points to Malik*

Malik: *in the corner hugging a flame thrower* It's mine, my own, my prrrreeeecccciiiious!

S-T: o_O how come you're not suing Bakura either? 

Bakura" *in other corner drinking beer and playing with a lighter* 

Lawyer: Now why would I want to do that?

S-T: well… Malik's hair is a cop off of the super saiyins and Bakura kinda looks like Kuja from Final Fantasy 9. Does that count?

Lawyer: see you in court Monday. *leaves*

S-T: D'OH! Oh well *puts law suite in shredder* anyways, REVIEW PLEASE! *gets on knees* please! I'm beggin ya! PLEASE review! PLEEAASSE!

Bakura: *to Malik* she's lost it

Malik: Got that right *takes out cell phone* *dials a number and within seconds two men in white bursts through the door with the words mental asylum on their name tags*

S-T: *clings to door frame* NOOOOOOO! You'll never take me alive! GAH! You stupid (*%&$*&^%(^$#)(&^ let go!! I don't belong in there! I belong with the rest of the nor-*glances around the room and sees not a single normal person* people! NOOOOO! *sees Malik holding cell phone cackling evily*

S-T: You traitor! You'll never get away with this! NEEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR!! *doors shuts in her face*

Bakura: Review the story *in deep scary voice* or else…

Malik: or else what? 

Bakura: I don't know. Haven't thought of that part yet *takes another drink* *turns on the lighter*

Malik: *facevault*

Bakura: Just press the little purple button that says-

Malik: It looks bluish purple to me.

Bakura: FINE! Just press the BLUISH PURPLE button that says-

Malik: It might be purple on this computer and blue on the othe- *get knocked unconscious by Bakura who is standing behind him holding a large mallet* 

Bakura: like I was saying, go and type in a nice review. No flames. Then again I could use some flames to *rambles on for few hours*

Malik: *wakes up* -____-;; Just review


End file.
